the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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