Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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