the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
