Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
