hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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