I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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