I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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