Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Edward fifth and chaser hands
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
