All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
