Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
