I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
