If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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