If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
