I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
