Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
