im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
