hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
