Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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