rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
