there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
