im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
