would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize