I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
