batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
