google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
