pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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