he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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