The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
