You smell like stripper and shame
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
