Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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