remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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