i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
