there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
