tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
