If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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