hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
