so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
