guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
