I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
As shirtless as possible
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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