It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
