Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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