i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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