Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
