Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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