That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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