Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
