She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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