My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
