ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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