70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
