I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
