i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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