I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
