I heard we made out
You're completely useless in the revolution.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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