dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
