Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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