i barfeds in our rink
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
