$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
