K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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