No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
