Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
