I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
