In the future we'll all be gay
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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