i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
