so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
