This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
