he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
