he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
