The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
